It’s a quiet night, the kind of quiet that makes you think. I lay down on my bed counting the months that passed by not having you around. I count the nights I don’t have to wait for people to be asleep and cry quietly as I bury my face on my pillow, I count how many times I’ve smiled when there’s no one around. The number was endless. You know when you lose track of counting because it happened way too many times. This one’s it.

It’s mysterious isn’t it? How you feel when a person leaves you hanging. There are a lot of words to call it. Blank. Lost. Empty. Pathless. No one knows how and why you feel that way. Worse is no one knows how to ease the pain. But tonight it was mystery no more. Happiness was there all along just waiting to be accepted. For months I wanted happiness from him believing it’s the only happiness I know and needed. This happiness grew out like an everyday routine. You got used to it so much that living without it feels wrong. That was really it. It was a pain and emptiness that needed time and also a lot of getting used to.

Remember when I said it’s my fear to be forgotten? Well, after you I wasn’t afraid of it anymore. Turns out it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. And you…never thought it’s gonna be you that will make me realize. 

I was by myself and surprisingly I am fine.